Separation Anxieties
by babyviolets
Summary: With their inevitable separation drawing near, jo jung suk and IU contemplate on their own anxieties over their feelings for each other. Will they be able to overcome those fears and learn to face their feelings? 2-part story set on the yatblss finale press conference.
1. Chapter 1

Jung Suk squinted his eyes to protect it from the flashing lights directed at him. Funny, he felt he should be okay with this amount of lighting. After all, he's a theatre actor. This is one of their vanities - seeing menacing lights flash before them. Only this time, he doesn't feel flattered by any of it at all- only threatened.

They were currently at the closing press conference of their series, and all the cast - together with the writer and PD - were lined up on stage, giving the greedy clickers their fill of shots.

Finally, the initial photo op was done and all of them took their designated seats. Sitting on his left was Ji Hoon with his 1000 watt smile permanently plastered on his face. That's the thing about idols; they always have a ready smile to give to whoever asks for it. Others might think that as an actor, he should be just as good, but truth is he sucks at it. Maybe it's because an actor is usually so attuned to his own feelings, so his smile will vary depending on the mood he's in. Right now, the mood he's in is dread, so he cannot even begin to imagine how that could look on his face.

On his right is Jieun, looking just as lovely. Once again, an idol's will amazed him, for how can she look so radiant while he feels so broken inside? Is she really that good at hiding her feelings, or is it just a simple matter of her not feeling the same way he's feeling right now? He tore his gaze away from her and settled to fix it on a point below the stage, just before the first row of desks filled with laptops and recorders.

The PD and writer have finished saying their welcoming address and now, it was the turn for the senior actors to speak. Soon, he will have to say his greetings as well, and he wondered to himself if he would be able to do it without giving anything away. He made a shallow cough to clear his throat, and noticed from his peripheral view how Jieun straightened up in her seat when he did this which made him laugh a bitter laugh inside. At least she is still aware of him - even by this much - though thinking that only makes him feel like he's trying to hang on to even the slightest of hope when there is none.

And of course there won't be any. She's a pretty, talented, sweet young girl and obviously a lot of guys would be all over her. What then would his chances be? He doesn't have the looks nor the height, or even the youth to match up to these guys. For a while, he thought their time together could give him the advantage that he needed, but then that movie date issue she had brought him back to reality. Not that he believed any of it was real, but he realized that while she was the only one in his life right now, he was not the only man in hers. The thought made him jealous, but more than that, it made him feel helpless.

Jihoon nudged him by the elbow and handed him the microphone. He said his piece and then passed the mic to Jieun. Their fingers grazed each other and for a moment, he felt another pang of hope. But she just shyly nodded, smiled, and then once again turned her attention to the audience. He too tried to pass off a smile of his own, but the corners of his mouth kept on twitching so he decided to give up and resumed to staring at his previously chosen point.

Should he have done something about it? Should he have at least tried? Sometimes, he can't help but wonder, but every time he is slapped with their glaring age gap and his insecurities get the better of him. Still, there was a point where he thought of giving it a try once the drama ends - once they're stripped off of their characters. But the nearer the final day of the shooting came, the farther she seemed to be from his reach. In the end, the only thing he was able to do was give her a cool goodbye.

The introductions were done and they've moved on to the Q & A. First few questions were directed to the senior actors, as it is the usual courtesy in these events. Soon, he will also be required to answer a few questions but he's not worried about it. He already knew by heart all the questions that would be directed at him - along with his answers. In a way it's like cheating, but that's how it's done. They will be given a list of approved questions beforehand to allow for a smooth running press conference. Of course, some media men will try to squeeze in some follow-up questions, so they will need to prepare for those as well.

"Jung suk-ssi, everyone's been raving about your amazing chemistry with IU despite your huge age difference. What are your thoughts on this?"

"Thank you for that. First, I was worried that my huge age gap with IU would affect the success of our pairing. So we're really happy and thankful that our love line was very well received by the audience." _Good job!_ He thought to himself, _Just keep on answering objectively. Don't mind that empty feeling inside._

"But is there a chance for some of those on screen chemistry to spill out off-screen?"

A few snickers were heard from the crowd and he doesn't blame them. In fact, he let out a timid laugh himself, though his was not one of amusement but of sarcasm. Because how sarcastic was it that the veteran actor ended up being the one falling for the rookie actress? He shouldn't be called the prince of the musical world, but its laughingstock instead.

So how does he answer this question? Should he approach it like how he answered his previous "scandal" with Yoon Ji-complete denial? But back then, it was the truth, and now...well, it was a little more complicated. Of course he can lie, but for all the accolades about how good an actor he is, he was a terrible liar.

"I guess all I can say is that Junho will always love Soon Shin" That was probably good enough. He didn't lie, but didn't say the truth either. Now, it's just up to them to interpret whatever it is that he meant by it.

All of a sudden though, the flashing lights started again, as the cameramen suddenly went on a shooting rampage. The reporters, as well, started bombarding them with questions, most of which cannot be deciphered because of all the chaos. Did he make the wrong call in that last question? He tried to make out what the reporters were saying, but with all of them shouting at the same time, it was a difficult task. They sounded like they were calling out to someone though...it was...

IU.

He turned to his right and saw Jieun's head buried on Inna's shoulders. Soon, Tae Young, Geu Rin, Yoon Seo, and Ga Won came to huddle around her as well. Jieun was holding on to Inna. He couldn't tell her expression as her face was turned against him, but her back was trembling...

Was she crying?


	2. Chapter 2

She couldn't stop the tears.

She doesn't even remember when it started flowing. She was okay - had been okay. She was resolute on going through today with a big, fake smile on her face. She was good at that-years and years of idol training allowed her to do that much. So she was equally shocked and confused to find something warm trickling down her face...and now she can't stop them.

Inna unni was the first to come to her. She wrapped her arms around her and allowed her head to rest on her shoulder. She knew Inna was trying to calm her down, but it only made her cry more. The other girls approached them one by one, Ga Won started tearing up too and the rest followed suit. In the end, they became this huddle of crying girls.

"Sorry." she managed to say in between sobs. Most of these girls probably don't even understand what made her cry, which only made her feel guiltier. She should really get hold of herself, but his words won't stop ringing inside her head.

_Junho will always love Soon Shin._

She had no idea how something she had known all along would still cause her heart to feel like it's been crushed and stomped over by a stampede of wild horses. Could it be because, deep inside, she was still clinging on to the slightest hope that there had been something more to their interaction than just method acting? She'd laugh at her own hopelessness if she was not so choked up in tears right now.

"Sorry, everyone… You see, all of us here have grown so close not just with our characters but with each other as well in the six months that we've been together. So today is really an emotional time for all of us. Please bear with us." Mi Sook sunbae gracefully apologized to the press as Ji-eun let go of Inna's waist. Everyone else slowly settled back into their respective seats. Tae Yong handed out some tissue and she started dabbing her face with it, careful not to further ruin her makeup. She looked over to where Mi Sook sunbae was sitting and gave her an apologetic bow, which the veteran actress acknowledged with a smile.

Thankfully, the press accepted Mi Sook sunbae's excuse for the situation and resumed to asking questions again. Something Junwoo said made everybody laugh and once again, the mood she had destroyed earlier was slowly rebuilt. Now, the only thing still left broken was her heart.

"IU-ssi, as a rookie actress surrounded by veterans in the field, tell us about the things you've learned while working closely with them, especially with Mi Sook-ssi and Doo Shim-ssi and of course, your love interest-Jung Suk-ssi?"

She frantically tried to recall whatever spiel she had prepared for this question, but right now her mind was an incoherent mess "Yes..." She managed to blurt out "I've indeed been very lucky to have been given the chance to act alongside such talented and experienced actors. They have guided me so much in my portrayal of Soon Shin, and just by watching them; I learned how actors can be so passionate, and hardworking…and s-scary." She didn't intend to say that last thing out loud, but it came out that way. Apparently though, the media thought she was being funny coz they erupted into laughter.

"Why is that?" one managed to say while getting hold of himself.

_Why?_

Because they can make you quiver at their slightest touch while feeling totally indifferent, because their smile can heal and break your heart at the same time, because their hugs can feel like the safest place in the world, and you end up never wanting to let go. Because they can show you emotions they probably don't feel and you're the one who end up with feelings that you have to conceal, knowing it will never be reciprocated. "It's because of their passion. They're so passionate about their roles that you end up getting fooled by them into thinking it was real."

Everyone fell silent at that. They were uncertain as to how to interpret what she had just said. In fact, she herself wasn't quite sure why she suddenly felt so indignant. Instinctively, she turned to her left, where he was sitting. His head was bowed down and he seemed to be deep in thought. She wondered how many times she had already stolen glances at him like this.

Truth is she couldn't even blame him for any of it. After all, she was the one who fell despite her better judgement. At first, she tried to convince herself that everything she did and felt was for her role, but she only ended up using this as her excuse. She knew she didn't fall for the clumsy CEO he was portraying. Soon Shin may have needed someone to be her rock, but she didn't-she was perfectly capable on her own.

The person she fell in love with was the guy who'd make funny impressions on set just to liven up everybody's mood; the guy who'd go to serious and lengthy discussions with the writer and director about his character whenever they'd go to one of their after-shoot drinking sessions; The guy who stayed up late to talk to her over the phone about music, their families, travelling...anything except work. The guy who'd unconsciously trace patterns on her hand, her neck, her shoulders whenever they are holding each other.

She tried avoiding him at one point, but that only heightened her awareness of him even more. She even tried distracting herself by considering other dating options, but that only made her realize that there was no one else she'd rather be with.

"That's true, whenever I talk to Mi Sook sunbae during breaks, I still cannot totally convince myself that she isn't a selfish whacko!" Da Hoon Sunbae quipped.

Once again, everybody erupted into fits of laughter as Da Hoon sunbae comically asked for Mi Sook sunbae's forgiveness while she rejected him in jest. At this, Jung suk looked up and their eyes met. Somehow, that was always all he needed to do for her to get lost in a sea of overwhelming emotions. But then he broke his gaze and turned his attention elsewhere, leaving her feeling dejected. Turning her gaze to the other direction, she forced herself to laugh with the crowd to hide the pain.

The rest of the conference went by without a hitch and now, they are lining up again for one final photo op session before the program ends. Once again, she found herself standing beside him, which was inevitable really - as they are both the leads in the drama - but that doesn't make it any more bearable. To make matters worse, the show organizers agreed to the media's request for one final photo op of the main couple and so, everyone else moved to the edge of the stage - leaving the two of them in the centre.

"Ji-euna..." whispered Jung Suk once they were alone."What I said earlier, I meant..."

"It's okay oppa" It took all her strength just to maintain the smile she held for the camera. Was he going to explain how all of that was a part of method acting? Did he have to do that now? "I know you were merely doing your job." She had no idea why she's trying to console him when it's her heart that's breaking.

"That's not what I meant. I..." He let out a loud sigh before he continued "You know, you're always shooting me down like this, just like Soon Shin..."

"But I'm not Soon Shin, I'm not even IU. I'm Lee Ji Eun!" She was getting angry now. How can this guy not know of the difference when she's opened up so much to him already?

"I know, and I'm not Jun Ho either! I'm saying we can finally let go of these characters."

She flinched at his words. Was he trying to tell her that he's not even planning to contact her after this-even just as friends? Boy was she glad they're in front of the cameras right now! Otherwise, she might just breakdown again in front of him.

"No, that's not what I wanted to say." He hastily took back his words, as if reading her thoughts. Then, he took another big breath before he went on "Look, I didn't plan on this..."

Another sigh. If she didn't know any better she'd think he was nervous.

"Ji-euna, I'm saying I'm not Junho. I'm not rich and influential and I'm still starting in this industry so I'm not sure what my future will be yet. But..." He took another pause while they both turned slightly to their right to give the shutterbugs another angle. "But despite all this...W-will you still have me?"

Suddenly, the world stopped - along with her heart. Did she hear that right? Finally, she turned around to look him in the eye - and saw a reflection of her own emotions. How can that be? Was she too preoccupied with her own anxieties that she wasn't able to notice his? Could it be that all this time, he was simply searching for answers too?

He immediately averted his gaze –- looking anywhere but at her."Sorry for saying it this way, but I felt I might not have the chance-or courage- again if I wait much longer." he made a coughing sound to hide the tremor in his voice, and that made her heart skip another beat. How is it possible that this guy can make her feel so many conflicting emotions in just a matter of minutes?

"Umm, excuse me IU-ssi, Jung Suk-ssi. Can you do your heart to heart talk AFTER the photo op? Everybody's waiting for you" cooed the host in a goading manner, though it was obvious that he didn't really hear any of their conversation.

Both of them turned to the press who were already looking rather impatient, and she can't blame them. They probably didn't get any good shots just now because of all the…umm, talking they were doing. This gave her an idea.

She let go of the breath that she didn't realize she was holding, and called out to the group in front of them "Would you guys like to have one last fan service shot?"

"Sure!"

"Of course!"

"Yeah!"

The small crowd was once again getting wild, as they prepare their cameras for the fan service shot she offered. She turned to Jung Suk, who looked equally bewildered.

"Oppa, you heard them." She said before she flung her arms around his neck, and whispered, "Of course, you idiot!" just as she melted into his warmth.


End file.
